100 Things To Do
1. Play croquet
I don't even know the rules to croquet.
2. Play strip croquet
Ah, the effect that Heathers
can have on you.
3. Cycle the Coast to Coast
4. Keep a tidy house
Without calling in any sort of housekeeping services.
5. Live for (at least) three months in another country
6. Shoot Tony Blair
6. Try to get elected
What to, I don't know.
7. Take part in a threesome
Yes, I know I'm not even participating in any twosomes at the moment,
but this is a long term list. (And if I do achieve this one, I probably
won't announce it.)
8. Follow the route of the M60 by bike
Utilising side streets, riverbanks and paths. (Previously 104)
9. Take part in an orgy
According to the Purity Test, an orgy involves four or more people. Hence the removal of the previous Thing 8 "Take part in a foursome".
10. Rank highly on a top link popularity site.
There are so many, and they keep going in and out of favour, that to name which one would be restricting myself.
11. Mention sheep
and still get laid
12. Make a living from Spinneyhead
13. Make a film
It doesn't have to be a feature length movie, but that would be the
Done Check out Memory, Spinneyhead's first film.
14. Get out of debt
I'll discount any mortgage from this requirement, and just allow
for clearing overdrafts and loans.
15. Become a millionnaire
16. Climb the highest peaks in each country of the United Kingdom
17. Learn to juggle
18. Build a model village
19. Upset the Daily Mail so much that they run a story about me being
a threat to the nation's morals
20. Visit the beaches of D-Day, and the little town of Quenast my grandparents'
house was named after
21. Visit Pearl Harbour
22. Read Moby Dick
23. Get interviewed by Richard and Judy
Or a passable equivalent.
24. Own a Land Rover
Which will run on biodiesel, and actually be used for off roading.
25. Have a bike for every day of the week
Mountain bike, Jump bike/BMX, road bike, recumbent, folding, commuter,
26. Give a grand to charity
Not raise a grand, but give one. Raising a grand should be possible,
especially if I do 27.
27. Do over a hundred miles on the Bogle
My plan for next year's Roll. I'll need to get another of my 7 bikes
to do it.
28. Learn to snowboard
29. Get a dog
But not whilst I'm living in the city.
30. Own a thousand CDs (or have 100 Gbytes of MP3s on my computer.)
I'm going to cheat and allow CD singles in this.
Done. I recently cleared the 100Gb mark in my mp3 collection.
31. Attend the Glastonbury festival
32. Roast my own coffee
33. Send a dirty text message
34. Propose to someone
35. Fly in a hot air balloon
36. Go to a shooting range
37. Spend a whole day watching all three of the Lord of the Rings films
back to back
38. Buy a house
39. Own a piece of Microsoft
First done here,
then conclusively here,
And regularly since.
41. Canoe on the Thames
42. Figure out the question
43. Brew beer
44. Learn a new language
Spoken, not computer. And not Klingon.
45. Start a craze
46. Make love in a hammock
This one inspired by The
47. Visit every continent
48. Fly a helicopter
49. Build a tree house
50. Hold a party for a hundred people
51. Make love outdoors
The roundabout incident doesn't count as it was unplanned, drunken
horniness. However, I could go for getting 46 at the same time.
52. Join the Mile High Club
53. Join the Mile Low Club
In a cave or down a mine.
54. Join the Two Metres High club
On a train. Sleeper carriages count.
55. Exceed 40mph on a bike
56. Build a house
57. Learn to play a musical instrument
58. Get a signed letter from a serving head
Probably not going to be Tony, though.
59. Break a record
Even if it is for the silliest 'Hundred things to do' list.
60. Burn all my CD singles to MP3
61. Appear on Have I Got News For You?
This will probably be just before or just after offending the Daily
62. Swim with Dolphins
It was going to be swim with monkeys, but I reckon any mammal will
63. Visit Japan
64. Get a HGV or Motorcyle licence
The motorcycle licence would be cooler, but I value my limbs the
shape they are.
65. Learn Morse code
66. Attend Burning Man
There were also plans to create a BM equivalent in the Scottish Highlands,
to be called Soggy Man.
67. Dance naked in the rain
68. Drive a race/ rally car
69. Fulfil Sabs' dream of seeing me walk out of Lyme Park lake wearing
Penny. Well, it was Sabs' idea originally, but Penny added it to
70. Get a woman to pose in the nude (for my comic.)
Zoe. I asked Zoe if she'd pose naked for me, but she said no. Shame.
I've also widened the scope to posing for anything, just to improve
my chances. Any volunteers?
71. Play UV pool
72. Eat in, or from, every restaurant and kebabery in Rusholme.
Which could be a year or so's work. Longer, considering how rarely
I eat out. It's not called the Curry Mile for nothing. (Previously 102)
73. Flash at a concert audience
Penny. Originally 'Flash at a Status Quo audience' but I've expanded
74. Be a model at an Ann Summers party
75. Swim the full length of the Bridgewater Canal
Penny. So long as I don't have to do it in the actual canal.
76. Learn the national anthems of the Six Nations
Penny and Lesley.
77. Design a sex toy
Zoe and Penny. Full description- 'Design a sex toy and advertise
for testers and reach quality standards for ISO and BSS'. By setting
such stringent conditions they just volunteered to be the first testers.
There then followed a brainstorming session on what would make a perfect
sex toy, the notes from which will form the basis of a future post.
This project is under way. After posting the list
of recommended features, I received quite a peak in hits. I have
now moved on to the shopping
list for building the test version.
In the meantime, there is a range of Perfect Sex Toy clothing- Ladies
Tank Top and Long
Sleeve T Shirt.
78. Be an extra on a TV programme.
Emily. She originally stipulated Hollyoaks, but it was decided I
wasn't blonde enough.
Done. Here's a picture I took whilst doing it. I'm signing up to extras agencies so I can do it again.
79. Buy lingerie for a woman
Penny. In person, from a shop. Original conditions- 'Buy a woman
a thermal vest in person from Pleasure and a matching set from Kendals
including peep hole bra and crotchless knickers whilst dressed in a
80. Buy the Pete
Waterman (SAW) compilation album
Penny. She insists it's not because she's too ashamed to buy it herself.
It could have been worse, she could have suggested the karaoke
81. Learn to salsa
Penny and Lesley. I'd also like to learn to make the perfect salsa
82. Have sex in an ambulance or hearse
Penny and Harry. Originally an ambulance or 'vehicle of the dead'
while on the move.
83. Grow a bonsai tree
Penny. A bit of wishful thinking considering I killed my last two
bonsai. My sister did buy me The
Art of the Bonsai Potato for Christmas.
84. Have a drink in every CAMRA pub in Manchester
Harry. Originally it also said 'within one week' but I edited that
85. Get an 8 pint certificate from The Crown in Stockport.
What they actually do is put your name on a board in the pub and, allegedly, get you a tankard engraved with your name.
Anyway, the challenge has been done, and recorded here
and up. Pictures.
86. Get zipped up in a US style body bag.
Harry. Only if I can take a big knife in to cut my way out.
87. Create art using my body.
Penny. Originally 'Create modern art using your body and any other
body using bandages, plaster of paris and vaseline and get it displayed
in a gallery.'
88. Get a piece of art displayed in a gallery
Me, but inspired by 87. I'm allowed to do a Banksy.
89. See a psychiatrist
Penny. After some of these suggestions I'll have to.
90. See a psychosexual counsellor
Penny. See above. And I think this should also apply to some of the
people supplying suggestions.
91. Bowl on the Bowling Green again.
Emily. That is, the bowling green that used to be in front of UMIST
union. They've done horrible things to it. Does boules count?
92. Attend a televised awards ceremony
93. Learn a programming language
Properly, not in the half arsed way I learnt to gaffer tape routines
together in VBA. Griff says that C# is quite a lucrative area to
94. Visit every Disneyland
This was actually Griff's aim, but I stole it.
This aim has been removed
from the list.
95. Get a free crate of Glenfiddich
Sometimes breweries will gift crates of their products to writers
who mention them. I'm also open to offers of Jennings
96. Go scuba diving on the Great Barrier Reef
97. Get as close to an active volcano as possible
98. Attend a gala movie premiere
Hell, if Rebecca
Loos can do it, so can I. But I'm not shagging any footballers except
99. Publish a cook book
My sister's been promising to write one for a while now. I must get
her to finish it.
100. Get 'Ian Seat' into the OED
Being the position in a crowded room, bar, etc, which has the least
advantageous view for eyeing up members of the opposite sex.
101. Burn all my CDs to MP3
102. This has replaced aim 72.
103. Go Guerilla Gardening
Next spring I'm walking around Manchester with a stick and a pocket
full of seeds. I'm going to plant peas and herbs and other veg in flowerbeds
Done (sort of). I've sown seeds around town, but I don't think any have taken.
104. This has replaced aim 8.
105. Appear in a TV commercial.
Because they pay residuals. If it got shown enough, I could almost live off it.
106. Make love with a cheerleader.
Every American boy's dream.
105 and 106 are provisional. If no-one can come up with better suggestions, they stay!